Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Those Winter Blues

Lately, I feel like I've been lacking balance in life: as a mother, as a twenty-something, as a so-called "creative." Even as a blogger - I have half a dozen posts that have been abandoned because I end up staring at blinking cursor more often than not. I'm chalking it up to the winter blues, and they're freezing out all aspects of life as I know it.

Creativity. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that comes with a baby, but I have never felt so uninspired. My design work feels stale, we have the same 5 meals for dinner every week. The only thing that feels remotely creative to me is The 52 Project, and I'm even falling behind in that. Deep down, I have this innate desire to make things - for my baby, for my home, for others - but for some reason I just can't find a way to move them beyond the idea phase.

Home ownership. After looking at dozens of houses over the course of what felt like an eternity, we finally bought a house! It was crazy town for a while - we put our offer on it the week of my due date and closed on it three weeks after Amelia was born - but it has been great having a place to call home. That said, the first-time homebuyer glow has worn off and I'm overwhelmed with all the to-do items on our list: hang artwork and curtains, organize the piles of stuff sitting in the office, finish the basement, build a privacy fence, landscape, buy patio furniture, get rid of all the hideous 90s brass fixtures, update kitchen and bathrooms. That said, I'd much rather ignore that list and curl up under a blanket and watch a few episodes of Parks and Rec, thank you very much.

Motherhood. Can I blame winter on everything? Because I'm going to. I have to admit, even after eight months, I'm still struggling to find a way to fit into my new role as a mom. It's not that I struggle with motherhood itself (man do I love it, ups and downs alike!) but sometimes I do feel like I've lost a part of the "old Katherine." Maybe I just need to change my mindset; I haven't really lost myself but instead added a new part of myself to the mix. I realize that a shift in priorities is normal when it comes to parenthood, but I wish poop-related thoughts occupied less of my brain space. I really do. And I have yet to find a fool-proof way to take a shower every morning...

After a full day's work, coming home to a cluttered space and a baby who missed her afternoon nap is exhausting. I'm left tired and off-kilter, with a mountain of to-dos that are overwhelming. Any tips on finding balance and maintaining it? I need some sort of magical reset button, or, you know... spring.


Keitha said...

Right there with you lady. I am tired of being tired. Sunshine, warmth, and mojitos....these are the thoughts that keep me moving....and poop. I too always think about poop.

Carrie said...

I like that you are blogging again.

Balance: What is that? Kidding. Sort of. ;) That was tough for me initially and somedays I still think that I'm failing at it. It's temporary. You will find your rhythm again soon probably with the sunshine.

Creativity. Those 5 planned meals give you a break from having to think about what you're going to eat. I can hardly remember where I put my keys every morning. Do one thing that you love - even if you've done it before, sometimes its little things that can get us out of a slump. It's okay to feel uninspired. It's temporary

Home Ownership: It's misleading isn't it? ;) I still rooms that aren't working for me and seem to be working against me and noises in the attic that I keep hoping will go away. I decided to try and do one thing a week and surprisingly it's going ok. I've given myself a five year timeline to do everything on that growing to do list.

Motherhood. I wish I could give you advice about a daily shower, but I just resolved to taking one twice a week. One three minute shower during the week when a baby bouncer is my friend and one on the weekend when I have backup. :) I've been a little crunchy since college so I just learned to embrace it. Dry shampoo and layered deodorant are my friends. Josh constantly jokes with me about how I stink (i usually don't) I did feel the same way about fitting into the role - having a daughter completely changed my life. Honestly, I found Kates blog around the time that Olive was 9-10 months old and it was really helpful. Maybe read through her archives if you feel like it. Also, the poop related thoughts are temporary ;)

I think you should take a trip to Sunny Florida, I hate to rub it in, but the weather has been amazing lately. Florida needs you in its life.