Changes, part II

Change is a good thing. It sparks creativity, leads to personal discovery, expands your boundaries, and apparently strengthens your brain. 

I guess it goes to show how much I blog these days, especially since my last post on change was nearly two months ago. There’s a HUGE change that I’ve known about for nine months (and then some.) We’re having another baby! Like, real soon.    

A baby boy, technically due four days ago. Goodness.

I'm not sure how to even begin to write about this little life that we will be meeting the next day or two, or three if he's extra stubborn like his sister (with our luck he totally is.) I'm sitting at my desk at work, completely unable to focus, daydreaming about all the little baby sighs, snuggles, and tiny missing socks that are coming my way. The heart swelling I'll feel as I stare into his eyes for the first time, the way those tiny fingers will clutch at mine.

Somehow in my hormonal mind I've glossed over the white-knuckled pain of labor, how awful those baby blues can be, what it's like to get poop in your hair (just kidding, I have a toddler. That sometimes still happens.) Fortunately I have a grounded husband who often reminds me of our impending doom, in the best way possible of course. He's not a glosser, and I am genuinely thankful for that. We're a good balance for each other.

There are so many changes in store for our current family of three, changes that none of us fully comprehend, and it is so exciting and terrifying. We've been talking about the baby for a while with Amelia to help prepare her. She is beyond excited to be a big sister, even though we don't know how much she fully comprehends it all. Chris is convinced she thinks her parents are slightly mental. We've moved her crib into the new nursery, the infant car seat is installed next to hers, tiny stacks of laundry are littered all over the house. But as far as she knows this baby is a figment of our imagination. This baby has also made me into a liar, considering I've been telling Amelia for a week now that her brother will be here any day now. A week is a very long time in toddler land. It's also a very long time in overdue pregnant lady land.

But for now, this baby gets to call the shots. And so we wait.

Changes, part I

Do you ever reach a season in life where you realize you're too comfortable? You have a daily routine, you wear the same pair of shoes every day, eat the same old rotation of standby meals. Alarm set for 6:15, standard black flats, Taco Tuesdays. Day in, day out. 

I remember hearing about a study on NPR that suggested taking the same route to work every day actually dulled the neurons in your brain. By sticking to something repetitive, even as simple as your morning commute, certain parts of your brain become weaker.

Change is a good thing. It sparks creativity, leads to personal discovery, expands your boundaries, and apparently strengthens your brain.

Since I haven't been blogging regularly in the past, oh, year or so, I thought I'd slowly ease back into the swing of things with a series of posts about changes. I've had quite a few of them happening in my life lately.  

Recent cover design (in progress) for a book about the Hail Mary

So. I have a new job! A new-old job, I supposed, as a book designer for the publisher I interned at right out of college. Things have come full circle. It's everything my old job was and more -- benefits, hours, workspace, creativity. I'm surrounded by books all day! Living the dream. If I could take my old coworkers (who I miss greatly) and plant them here, I would be all set.

Sometimes I miss the comforts of my old job at Bethel. I had been there long enough that my work was second nature to me -- I had the Pantone swatches memorized, pulled from a folder of all my favorite images, worked within the brand's font family. My department was overworked but in a way it was easy. I instinctively knew what to do, how to make something look "Bethel." I could generate a branded piece in a day, tops, without it looking last-minute.

But that's the problem -- I wasn't thinking critically or creatively with a lot of my work. I wasn't being challenged. I was essentially a design robot, inputting images and text and spitting out a design. It was time for a change.

This new position is so exciting but it is hard, harder than I imagined. It's a Catholic publisher, so all the material I'm working on has a distinctively Catholic twist. I'm familiar with some aspects of Catholicism, but as I'm learning... not nearly as much as I thought. So every new assignment for me takes a ton of verbal and visual research. And now that I'm not working within a set selection of brand fonts and colors, I'm a little overwhelmed with the options I now have. Good problems though, I'm definitely stretching some design muscles that have been dormant since college.

And that's the thing with change, it's different and uncomfortable and scary. But that's exactly what I want. Research and problem solving, stretching and growth. There are times when I feel like the new kid on the first day of school (especially at office potlucks) but I know this change is a step in the right direction.

Overdue

 A recent Instagram that really has nothing to do with this post

Another six months of blog silence and I find myself wondering... should I write a new post? Publish one of the countless half-finished posts sitting in my drafts folder? Should I write my final post? Delete the blog entirely? Launch the redesign?

These questions lead to more thinking. What’s the point of Gathered Heart? It’s something I’ve asked myself on more than one occasion. Why keep up with this little slice of the web where I record and share pieces of my life with dear friends, total strangers, and perhaps some who are a mix of both. Do I to it to stay connected? Is it self-expression? Self-promotion? Why make it public? Why not journal more?

When blogs started years ago, internet culture was so different. I myself had a xanga (ha!) where I would pour my naive teenage heart out – paragraphs and paragraphs about movie nights with friends, recaps of mission trips, lists of albums that I was listening to, dreams of college life and the future. All my friends had xangas too, and we would comment on each other’s posts: I can’t believe Mr. Whetstone assigned us a seven-page paper, either! I love Hellogoodbye, too! Your new profile pic is so artsy!

Search optimization didn’t exist. Professional blogging wasn’t a full-time job. Social media (if you can call MySpace social media...) was just a blip on the radar. People weren’t constantly connected to the cloud or notified instantly when something was updated.

Things are so different now. Our culture is obsessed with internet fame and going viral. Blog posts need beautiful photos that are pin-worthy. Information must be presented in bulleted lists, 140 characters or less. Everything must be mobile-friendly. A successful blog could mean a freelance contract, a book deal, paid sponsorship, your own line of party supplies at Target. You need to find a niche (food! techie stuff! babies! design!) and cater to that market. Create fresh, unique content that readers won’t find anywhere else, and be sure to update daily to keep ‘em coming back for more.

Well, that definitely isn’t me. I tried to fit that bill for a while and quite frankly I wasted a lot of time. I am proud of a lot of my writing, but I also have to laugh at some of the things I shared (like the sad food styling in my one and only recipe post) and some of the things I spent time on but never posted. Someday I think I’ll share a post of all the silly things I took pictures of because I might blog about them. Those photos need to be cleaned off my hard drive anyway.

I don’t exactly know what I’m going to do with Gathered Heart. I still love blogging and the blogging community, but my priorities have changed as a person. I’m no longer a fresh college graduate working part time at Game Stop. Pretty soon I won’t even be able to call myself “twenty something.” I’m constantly picking up tiny hair bows and stuffed animals and crumpled socks from my living room floor. I get really excited when I find a new one-pot dinner recipe that actually tastes good. I can’t justify spending a few hours drafting a post when I have a family, a full time job, a life to keep up with (totally not judging those who do, by the way! It’s just not me.)

All that to say: there’s still something so rewarding about publishing a post that I’m proud of. An illustration I worked on to stretch my creative muscles, a new set of goals I’m inspired to reach (even if I fall flat of those goals almost every time...), musings on motherhood, a recap of an adventure, a list of things I love... because, maybe, just maybe, someone else out there loves them too. Someone else out there is looking for a new adventure, inspiration for a project. I blog for many reasons: to collect and catalog my thoughts, to be inspired and in turn inspire, to polish my writing skills, to connect with likeminded individuals. So I’ll keep gathering all the pieces of my heart here and do my best to make this little slice internet a brighter place.

Primetime Streaming

I have all these grand visions of life as a multitasking supermom... garden-to-table three course dinners, handmade toys and sweet little hand-stitched sundresses for Amelia, consistently shampooed hair. You know.

But after the day is done and the baby is in bed, who wants to sit at a sewing machine when you can snuggle on the couch and stream TV shows instead?* Now that Chris and I have the littlest Ross, our days of binge-watching a series during the weekend are over, but we still find time to catch an episode or two in the evenings. Here are our recent favorites on Netflix and Amazon...

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK  This show might be a little old news but I don't even care. Never in my life did I think I would love a prison drama so much. But I do, we both do. It took us forever but we finally finished season two a few weeks ago and now there's a void in our lives.

KEY AND PEELE  This is our go-to show when we're in the mood for something lighthearted. The jokes are hilarious, the characters are ridiculous, the production value is surprisingly high-quality. One of my favorite sketches: substitute teacher #2.

DOWNTON ABBEY  I realize the blogworld is probably over Downton (until next season, perhaps) but since we didn't have TV for the past four seasons, I've been catching up on Amazon. The storyline, the history, the costumes, the dry humor... it's all so good (although I feel like I should share that Chris decidedly does not feel the same.) I just finished season three yesterday and OHMYGOSH I don't even want to talk about it, my heart is broken. I just can't.

ADVENTURE TIME  We usually turn on Finn and Jake's shenanigans when we don't know what else to watch. Then we get sucked in to watching four episodes because everything is just so dang mathematical. I don't even know how to summarize this show in a few sentences, so you should probably read this article from the New Yorker.


Have you been obsessing over any shows lately? Next up for us will probably be Six Feet Under, and I've never seen The Office in full (I stopped watching when Michael left) so that's on my list as well, but I'd love to hear some other favorites!

* I feel the need to note that this sentence has some nice alliteration going on and even rhymes. I also feel the need to note that it was not planned. I promise I'm not that cheesy, I just read a lot of nursery stories these days.

Resolutions Revisited: 2014

2014 is halfway over (are you kidding me!?) so obviously I need to revisit my resolutions and somehow convince myself that I'm not a complete failure just yet.

What is it about the turn of every year that seems so promising? My full list of 14 resolutions for 2014 has been taped to the side of the fridge for the past six months; I see it every day waiting for my morning coffee to brew. I can do this! Lesson learned? Seeing does not mean doing. But I'm not going to focus on that... instead, I'll just pat myself on the back for everything I've stuck to so far for 2014. 

READ 14 BOOKS. Halfway through the year, halfway through my reading list. Feels good. Honestly, I haven't touched any books in about a month, but I flew through the first half of my list (the Harry Potter series, if you're curious) so somehow I'm magically on track for this goal. Yussss.

MAKE THE MOST OUT OF SUMMERTIME. Summer is kind of a big deal in the Ross household... we take the warm weather very seriously. For having a young toddler, I think we've been doing pretty good. Trips to the zoo, walks around the neighborhood every night. We're working on a beach trip soon, too. Plus, I've made it a personal goal to make a batch of popsicles every week this summer, and of course I'm 3/3 with that one.

MAKE OUR HOUSE A HOME. This is a slow but steady process. We just hit our one year homeaversary and still haven't hung any artwork on the walls but I'm okay with that. Most of our recent efforts have been in the garden - even though we've only completed a small section of our front yard, it was a huge overhaul. I'm proud of what we've been able to accomplish so far, especially since we can only really work when Amelia is asleep. I'm excited to continue to work on our home little by little.

WASH MY FACE EVERY NIGHT. In high school and college I was obsessed with skincare and kind of fell off the bandwagon after having Amelia. Although I've had my share of weekend skips lately, this is happening on a consistent basis and my skin much happier because of it.

FOCUS ON BEING A BETTER WIFE AND MAMA. These two. They are my heart. Admittedly, there are days when I am tired, grumpy and selfish and probably not the best wife and/or mama. But mostly I try to be attentive and patient. It's an ongoing goal that I know will never truly reach perfection, but that's okay. I'm just going to keep on loving them. And also feeding them corn on the cob because it's delicious and they're cute.

_______

As far as my other goals, I have a lot to get cracking on. I haven't written a single letter, my sewing machine has sat in the same spot since we moved in, and all our photos are gathering dust on my hard drive. Six months has flown by quickly, but there's still a decent chunk of time left in the year. There's still hope for those remaining resolutions.

The End of Winter

In the Ross household, I think we have finally seen the end of the longest winter yet... metaphorically speaking, of course, since it's the third day of July. JULY.

Amelia has been sick for a very long time, nearly half a year when I count the days. The long and short of it? Chronic respiratory and digestive issues as well as poor weight gain, causes not entirely known. In the past few months, she has been medicated, x-rayed, tested for parasites and foreign diseases... pretty much everything short of more invasive measures. We have been told her issues were potentially caused by everything from teething to cystic fibrosis (that was a scary 48 hours, but her test processed quickly and came back very negative.)

There was a while, it seemed, that we lived at the doctor's office, making several trips a week. When her pediatrician couldn't help us, we were sent to a pediatric gastroenterologist in Kalamazoo. The specialist has had us avoid soy and dairy (common sensitivities for babies) for the past couple of months to see if it would help. It has been really difficult, especially since Amelia loved cheese, and soy is in every product imaginable these days. We've made it work for us with almond milk, coconut yogurt, whole foods, and all sorts of vegan recipes and treats.

Little by little, things have gotten better. Her digestive system slowed down enough for her blistering diaper rash to heal, and her respiratory problems aren't as severe either. I wouldn't say she is 100% back to normal, but then what is normal when it comes to babies, anyway? Babies shoot poop up their backs and think rocks are edible.

Last week, after yet another doctor's visit, we finally got the okay from the specialist to begin incorporating small amounts of dairy and soy back into her diet. We started this past weekend, mixing about an ounce of cow's milk into her usual almond-coconut blend. We've noticed a slight shift, but overall she's doing really well! Hopefully we are on the right track. Since I'm still nursing her and dairy can stay in a mama's system for a full two weeks, I will be avoiding it for a bit longer to make sure Amelia's system can fully handle dairy (but oh do I dream of the day when I can have cheese pizza for dinner and ice cream for dessert!)

Originally, I wasn't going to share this part of our life on GH. I'm still not sure this story is mine to tell - something I struggle with as a mom on social media. But the more I've been thinking about it, the more I realize that I turn to the internet a lot when Amelia is sick. Although one quick Google search of an illness can send you down a dark spiraling path of rare diseases, complicated medical sites and scary images, it can also uncover stories of families who are going through the same issues, and hearing about those experiences can be invaluable. So perhaps our story will help you or someone you know. Sometimes I really do hate the internet, but mostly I am reminded of the good that it can bring, too.

Mother's Day

This past Saturday, we celebrated my first mother's day. Goodness. 

It was a beautifully warm weekend -- we spent the entire day outside, gardening and chasing Amelia, and had delicious smoky BBQ ribs for dinner. It was simple, sweet, and couldn't have been more perfect. 

Instead of buying me a big bouquet, Chris took me to our local nursery, Linton's, to pick out flowers for our window box: purple wishbones, yellow begonias, and a few artillery plants (my new favorite succulent, pictured above.) The window box is a little scrappy looking at the moment, but I know the flowers will eventually fill in more and it makes me smile every time I leave the house.

Our little weeder gave me a bouquet of her own: dandelion tops from our yard. She proudly handed over the flowers that didn't end up in her mouth first. Words really cannot express how much Amelia Joy means to me. Seeing the world through her eyes, watching her grow and explore, the way she reacts to spring leaves and sunshine -- it is nothing short of magical.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, holding her in a fluffy towel after bath time, and I'm taken aback by how natural it is to have her in my arms. She is mine, I am hers. I haven't even been a mother for a full year but sometimes it seems like she is all I have ever known.

It can be challenging but it is wonderful and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Garden Planning: Shady Perennials

Spring has finally arrived in Indiana and it makes me so incredibly happy. Tiny buds on the trees, daffodils and hyacinth everywhere, blue skies with puffy clouds. Sunglasses! Iced coffee! Hooray! It's still pretty chilly and we had several inches of snow last week but I'm not letting that faze me. I have been daydreaming about gardening for several months now and I'm ready to dig up our yard.

I've had a little experience in vegetable gardening, but I won't pretend to know much about flower gardening. I'm doing my best to turn that around this spring and summer. I've been reading books, blogs, and perusing the Better Homes and Gardens website for lots of tips (their plant encyclopedia has been incredibly helpful.)

If anything, I know that I want lots of pretty flowers in soft hues and I don't want to work hard for them to thrive. I also don't want to spend a ton of money on landscaping each year, either, and we have a ton of trees, so I'm in the market for perennials that will flower year after year in our shaded yard. Although that limits my options a wee bit, I was surprised to find a lot of beautiful blooms that fit the bill. Here's a selection of what I hope to plant this year..

ALLIUM  These puffballs stole my heart years ago, during a date to the zoo with Chris. Alliums are in the onion family (think chives, green onion, garlic) so you can enjoy them in the garden and in the kitchen. I hope to plant a wide variety to stagger the bloom time throughout the spring and early summer.

BUNCHBERRY  This shade-loving ground cover is my space-saving alternative to a dogwood tree. Although the flowers fade after spring, bright red edible berries are left behind and the leaves turn fiery red in the fall.

ANEMONE  I discovered this beauty back when I was wedding planning (just look at the variety of arrangements on Pinterest!) I love the large loose petals and intricate centers. These flowers grow in dappled light or shade up north, making them perfect for our tree-covered backyard.

DELPHINIUM  The giant stalks of delphinium will bloom in the both spring and again in fall if trimmed. Perfect for adding a little vertical interest. 

VIOLETS  I'm partial to wild violets that are scattered throughout the yard, but this larger variety is lovely and offers cheerful blooms all season long.

CREEPING BUTTERCUP  Unlike many other varieties of ranunculus, creeping buttercup grows in full shade. That yellow is the perfect pop of color for a shaded area.

PEONY  Okay, okay... peonies don't exactly grow in the shade. But I have to have one. I don't need to wax poetic about their beauty. You guys know. You know. I will find the sunniest spot in my yard and make it home to a peony plant.

FORGET-ME-NOT  There was a whole mess of forget-me-nots planted around the water of our first home, and because of that, I plan to plant them at every home Christopher and I share. Nostalgia!

CLEMATIS  Like many other flowers, clematis will always remind me of my mother, who has a beautiful purple variety entwined around a birdhouse. These vine flowers do well in dappled light, and the large Henry's clematis variety blooms all summer long.

GERANIUM  Geraniums are a childhood favorite of mine, but sadly are not annual flowers up north. Enter the perennial geranium: a hardier variety that flowers for months in warmer weather. It thrives in full sun, but can handle part shade as well.

BELLFLOWER These lovely star shaped flowers are a new favorite. They bloom from spring well into summer. Yes please. 

HYDRANGEA  Yet another childhood favorite... how could you not love the fun puffball flowers of the hydrangea? These shade-loving plants bloom from summer to fall.

We're probably a few weeks away from the last frost (it always sneaks in one final chill in May up here) but I'm ready to start incorporating my floral picks into a few layout sketches and start tilling and amending the soil.

Nature in general was always a big part of my childhood... I'm very excited to share the beauty of plants with Amelia and teach her how important the earth is. She just turned eleven months this week and is becoming much more aware of her surroundings. I have a feeling she's going to love the allium and delphinium. Can't wait!

Whatever is True

Lately I’ve been thinking about why I have a blog. It happens every now and then.

I’ve been thinking about all the bits and pieces that fill my heart, the things I want to gather up and share with you here. I’ve been thinking about first birthdays and sunshine, fragrant herb gardens and fresh strawberries. Dimpled little hands, floral print dresses, swing sets, long walks through the neighborhood with a squish who tries to catch the wind. How wonderful it is to share my life with those I love. I’ve been dreaming of afternoons spent on the shores of Lake Michigan, the satisfying feeling of making something with my own hands, the way warm asphalt smells after the rain.

As I have written before, I want to focus on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable – things that are excellent and praiseworthy.

Easier said than done, my friends. As blessed as I am, I find myself dwelling on the negative lately. The way motherhood has changed my body, the bags under my eyes after yet another sleepless night. The worrisome thought that my sweet little girl is sick more often than she is healthy. House expenses, college debit, a winter that will not end. The judgement that I pass on myself and on others when I am feeling inadequate as a wife, mother, designer, human being. It all hangs heavy on my heart and sometimes I just can’t shake it.

So, I’m going to revamp my small slice of the internet and really focus on the things that are true, pure, and lovely. I want to share more of my experiences about the things that make life worth living, to catalogue the pieces of my heart instead of letting my thoughts dwell on the negative. I want to keep things real and honest, and stay grounded. But most of all, I want to live in the present and keep my focus on what is true.

8/52, 9/52, 10/52, 11/52, 12/52, 13/52

Time for some baby overload... I'm catching up (yet again) on my 52 project photos.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Amelia: Your newest obsession? Pulling every single shoe I own out of the closet. If I don't remember to shut the doors in the morning after getting dressed, I will inevitably find you here with a pile of flats at your feet. You're so fast at pulling them off the rack, too; five minutes is all you need. Stinker.

Amelia: I can barely look at this photo without tearing up. You have been sick all week with a 103 temperature and a terrible cough. The doctors still don't know what exactly is wrong. Too sick to play with even your favorite toys, you drifted off to sleep a few minutes after I took this photo.

Amelia: Why hello there! You are finally back to your normal energetic self after nearly two weeks of sickness: RSV, viral pnuemonia, and a 48 hour stomach bug (that I also caught.) You have been through so much, little squish, and daddy and I are so glad that you are feeling better!

Amelia: This particular nap went past the two hour mark, which is unheard of in this house. I'm sure you have lots of resting to catch up on after being so sick for so long. I myself have lots of staring at those squishy cheeks and mile-long eyelashes to catch up on, so this arrangement totally works.

Amelia: Sometimes I wonder when I'll stop taking pictures of your naps. 2 years? 20 years? We'll cross that bridge when we get to it, I suppose.

Amelia: I think you may be going through a growth spurt. Today we had dinner a little later than normal (chicken and cheese, your two favorites) and you just couldn't keep your eyes open. It was one of the cutest things ever - we even caught it on video, which will of course be played at your high school graduation open house. 

7/52

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Amelia: When did you grow up so much? Quit it! You are becoming more toddler-like by the minute and I can hardly stand it. We sat watching the Olympics (men's cross country ski relay, I believe) and you were quite content to sit and munch on Cheerios and banana puffs, if only for ten minutes. It was a sweet moment that I'll cherish forever.

Spring Green Houseplants

Let's face it. Spring is nowhere near the midwest and I think it's going to stay that way until June, probably. Last week we had some warmer days (48 degrees!) and sunshine... my spirits were lifted and all was right in the world. Today? Snow. Tomorrow? Snow. Fat fluffy flakes and a single-digit forecast to follow. I need some sort of boost, and I've got spring green plants on the brain.

Now that Chris and I have a house of our own, I've been wanting to incorporate some houseplants into our decor. I've honestly never been much of a indoor plant person, mostly because I'm pretty clueless on how to keep them alive. In fact, I killed a mint plant a few weeks ago. Too much water? Not enough sun? Who knows. But thanks to this list of hard-to-kill house plants plants I discovered last week, I've found a few hardy plants that just might work and have just the boost of green I need to get through these gray days.

1. A "Donkey Tail" might not sound like a pretty plant, but this succulent is the cutest thing with trailing stems that flower the summer. This plant requires a lot of light and minimal watering, so hang it from a window or on a sunny shelf and you're golden.
2, 3. Moonshine Sansiveria and Snakeskin Sansiveria seem like the best bet for our home. They are hardy plants that don't need a lot of sun or water, and I love those spikey tendrils. Plus they're excellent air purifiers, and have even been known to filter out toxins like formaldehyde.
4. I have been wanting a fiddle leaf fig for ages but didn't know what they were called until I read this post by Emily Henderson. Oh man those trees are beautiful. According to Emily, a sizable tree can cost upward of $500, but this ten inch guy is only $12.99 at IKEA. I'll take it.
5. Lest we forget the blogworld's mascot, the succulent. Ikea's assorted succulent mix are adorable, pre-potted and super affordable. At $2.50 a pop you can buy one (or more) for every room in your home.

I'd also love to own a potted citrus tree someday, but considering that I can't keep a simple garden herb alive indoors, I'm going to stick to hard-to-kill vegetation for now. You can most of the above plants online, but I bet you could find most of these plants at your local nursery, too. I've even seen the sansiveria at my grocery store. Slap any of these guys in a white ceramic pot (or perhaps copper?) and you have instant Spring -- just what I need.

4/52, 5/52, 6/52

I'm playing a little catchup on my posts for the 52 Project. Surprisingly, I haven't fallen behind in taking these photos, just sharing them. I know I'm hardly two months into the project, but I am loving these weekly portraits of my daughter. Best resolution ever.

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014. 

Amelia: I am loving your post-naptime greetings lately. As soon as you see me, your face lights up with that gummy grin of yours and you babble on and on, presumably telling me all about what you were dreaming of (my guess is milk and carpet fuzzies.) Even with a snotty nose, you are as cute as can be. 

Amelia: I think you are going through another growth spurt. Normally awake by 7:30 or sooner, you have slept in well past 8 every day this week. I can't ever bring myself to wake you, dreaming so peacefully, and I admit... I've enjoyed the extra quite time in the mornings with a hot cup of coffee and a book.

Amelia: Little stinker. You have been perfecting your crawling skills lately, and you are fast - faster than I can focus the camera lens as you come at me.

Those Winter Blues

Lately, I feel like I've been lacking balance in life: as a mother, as a twenty-something, as a so-called "creative." Even as a blogger - I have half a dozen posts that have been abandoned because I end up staring at blinking cursor more often than not. I'm chalking it up to the winter blues, and they're freezing out all aspects of life as I know it.

Creativity. Maybe it's the lack of sleep that comes with a baby, but I have never felt so uninspired. My design work feels stale, we have the same 5 meals for dinner every week. The only thing that feels remotely creative to me is The 52 Project, and I'm even falling behind in that. Deep down, I have this innate desire to make things - for my baby, for my home, for others - but for some reason I just can't find a way to move them beyond the idea phase.

Home ownership. After looking at dozens of houses over the course of what felt like an eternity, we finally bought a house! It was crazy town for a while - we put our offer on it the week of my due date and closed on it three weeks after Amelia was born - but it has been great having a place to call home. That said, the first-time homebuyer glow has worn off and I'm overwhelmed with all the to-do items on our list: hang artwork and curtains, organize the piles of stuff sitting in the office, finish the basement, build a privacy fence, landscape, buy patio furniture, get rid of all the hideous 90s brass fixtures, update kitchen and bathrooms. That said, I'd much rather ignore that list and curl up under a blanket and watch a few episodes of Parks and Rec, thank you very much.

Motherhood. Can I blame winter on everything? Because I'm going to. I have to admit, even after eight months, I'm still struggling to find a way to fit into my new role as a mom. It's not that I struggle with motherhood itself (man do I love it, ups and downs alike!) but sometimes I do feel like I've lost a part of the "old Katherine." Maybe I just need to change my mindset; I haven't really lost myself but instead added a new part of myself to the mix. I realize that a shift in priorities is normal when it comes to parenthood, but I wish poop-related thoughts occupied less of my brain space. I really do. And I have yet to find a fool-proof way to take a shower every morning...

After a full day's work, coming home to a cluttered space and a baby who missed her afternoon nap is exhausting. I'm left tired and off-kilter, with a mountain of to-dos that are overwhelming. Any tips on finding balance and maintaining it? I need some sort of magical reset button, or, you know... spring.

3/52

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Amelia: You have learned a new trick: pulling yourself to stand, and you are so proud of yourself. Now you can walk along the couch, reach the magnets on the fridge, and, much to my delight, greet me after a nap.

2/52

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Amelia: Daddy was working in the kitchen and you were playing in the living room as I kept my eye on you through the office doorway. In a moment of cuteness (something that happens a lot around here) you reached into one of your toy bins and decided to stay put. I love you.

1/52

A portrait of my child, once a week, every week, in 2014.

Amelia: I caught you studying the textures and patterns of our wedding quilt with your sweet little dimpled fingers. My curious little seven-month-old.

Read more about the 52 project.

Resolutions: 14 for 2014

Looks like I'm a little late to the New Year's Resolution party, but what's a few days in the course of a year, right?

You may remember me sharing that I'm not a huge fan of "resolutions" because such broad, open-ended goals seem like set-ups for failure. Instead I have found that a few specific "to-do" type resolutions are much more achievable, and who doesn't love a good list? I decided to come up with 14 goals to focus on for 2014:

Even with such a promising list of goals, one of my problems is that I tend to forget about them as the year draws on. This year, I decided to add a touch of design to my resolutions. Now I have them printed out, hanging right next to the coffee pot at home so I will see them every morning and take note. Read a book! Wash your face! Sew that baby a dress! Enjoy some cream with that coffee, but let's keep it to a tablespoon!

You may notice some repeats from the goals of years past... I am bound and determined to write more letters! Friends, help keep me accountable on this one (and send me your address, please.) In general, I really hope to create more this year. With a new baby, sometimes it seems that I barely have a chance to shower... but I am not going to let me down. 2014 will be a great year!

Year's End

I began writing this post on New Year's Eve, fully intending to have it finished before 2014. But then my baby woke up early from her nap with a 102 degree fever. The post has sat open on my computer, half-finished until now, so I've adjusted the time stamp and I'd still like to share it as a farewell to 2013. 

Even though I haven't blogged in over a quarter of a year (something that started out accidentally and eventually became intentional) I thought I would write one last post to commemorate 2013. What a year.

Honestly, I have typed, deleted, and re-typed this post countless times. My words continue to fall flat. How to I begin to express all that this year has held? I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. We bought our first home. Our hearts have filled with the joy of new life, the stress and excitement of new beginnings, the pain and grief of loss. I'm honestly a little overwhelmed thinking about it all. Even still, I feel like these words do 2013 no justice. I may not be able to express all that 2013 held, but the memories I made this year will live forever in my heart. It was not an easy year, but it sure was a good one.

And now, I turn my thoughts towards the new year and all the promise that it holds. Unlike last year, I've come up with a few resolutions (starting to blog again happens to be one of them!) for 2014, which I'll share a little later. I'm welcoming the proverbial new beginnings that January 1 brings. A chance for self-improvement, for reinvention, for growth. 

Amelia Joy Ross

One of the first photos of my daughter, moments after being born

Our baby girl arrived on May 22 at 7:13 in the evening. 7 pounds, 0.5 ounces. 20.25 inches long. Her name is Amelia Joy and she is completely perfect.

She has a head full of thick brown hair, the cutest button nose, and deep blue eyes that are just beginning to focus on her world. Christopher and I are completely smitten with her curled little toes, her squeals and sighs, her chubby thighs... everything.

It's pretty incredible to think that today she turns two weeks old. Goodness. She's already changed so much! We're growing to know each other more and more every day, and it is one of the most rewarding things (albeit challenging) I've ever been a part of. Even now as she sleeps on my chest, my heart has grown larger than I thought possible.

Posting on GH may be a little sporadic as I get used to motherhood (specifically, the lack of sleep) but I'll do my best to share little updates as I can in between baby snuggles.